Shy Writer

I’m embarrassed to share sometimes.

Generally speaking, I’m never shy about sharing what I’ve written with anyone and everyone. I’m a writer, and I like to have people read what I write. I’m not even afraid to share first drafts, so long as the people I’m sharing with understand that it is not (yet) my best work. Sometimes, however, I am embarrassed about something I’ve written. These bits of embarrassing writing are not stories that I consider terrible (those can be made better, after all) or eviscerated first drafts still in need of a tune-up.

Dear Reader, I’m ashamed of my poetry and songs. I’m not a poet. I don’t write poetry. That just isn’t me. Except of course, when it the urge comes upon me, and I find myself jotting down a verse or six in my Magic Writer Notebook(tm). Afterwards, I’m usually fairly happy with the result, despite it never being particularly technically correct. Nevertheless, I’m almost always afraid to share it afterwards.

Maybe I’m afraid of being laughed at, but who cares? There’s tons of bad poetry in the world, so who cares if I contribute a little more. As long as I am happy with the result, that’s all that matters, right? Yet, somehow, I’m still ashamed of my little bits of lyricism. I think part of my problem  may be that I don’t self-identify as a “poet” (whatever that may mean). Since I’m not a poet, I can’t write poetry, right? That’s nonsense of course, but the conviction is lodged in my subconscious. I have a similar hang-up about visual art. I “can’t draw,” and am “not an artist,” so I am extremely wary of showing my drawings to others.

Perhaps this is simply a case of poetry and drawing being something I do for my own private entertainment, with no particular interest in studying it extensively in order to get better. Whereas fiction and non-fiction writing are things I do for my own entertainment but with the desire to improve with every line I write. With the former, I need no feedback except from myself, whereas with the later feedback is my road-map to improvement.

Of course, I could also just be crazy. One never knows.

Currently Reading: Brother Cadfael’s Penance by Ellis Peters


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