Star Wars Feels

Also Spoilers. Lots and lots of spoilers.

Also capslock. Lots of that. Because I’m mostly filled with screaming fangirl feels.

Seriously, there will be spoilers, because I just saw the movie and I can’t talk about it without expressing all my feels about spoilery things. So, yea. I’m gonna bullshit for a bit first, and then put the spoilery-stuff below a cut, but yea, this is your warning.

Also, it’s quite likely this post will be a little scattered, because I’m still in post-viewing fangirl-squee-feels and I’m just trying to get all the jittery-love-explodey feeling out onto the page before it fades.

So first, a couple pictures:

Pre-Star Wars Selfie

Pre-Star Wars Selfie

My new Star Wars shirt

My new Star Wars shirt

So, yea, pre-show selfie, in my new shirt. My Star Wars shirt, which is the first shirt I’ve ever made, the first piece of clothing I’ve sewn completely on my own (I’ve made clothes, but not since I was a child and Grandma helped me). It has some issues, and I wrestled hard with this stupid thing (I actually started it at the end of 2014, so…yea. Kind of a long time but whatever shut up I finished). When I started it, I never even thought about wearing it to a Star Wars theatre viewing, but I found it just in time to finish the assembly and wear it to the movie tonight. And I’m so glad I did.

See, Star Wars was my first fandom. Star Wars was arguably the first nerdy thing I ever got into, aside from reading Fantasy in general, back when my cousin introduced me to it at the age of about 13. I was a huge fan, read all (ok well most of) the books, studied the ships and the races and the politics. My cousin and I talked it over endlessly as kids, and read the books to each other aloud, or just generally did fannish things. Then the prequels happened. And….my love didn’t die exactly. But it was banked. It was like reconnecting with an old lover and discovering what a complete tool they’d become. You still love them, or the person they used to be, but you can’t even look at their picture anymore without thinking about what a total douchebiscuit they are.

Watching The Force Awakens tonight, with my cousin, wearing the shirt I had sewn myself out of a love of Star Wars, was a bit like reconnecting with that old lover after they’ve hit rock-bottom and rebounded. They’ve got their act together again. They’re more like the person you remember from that first passionate, magical weekend getaway. Sure they’re older now, and a little worn, but in a lot of ways they’re also more polished and certainly wiser now. And now you remember all the little things you still love about them

So, yea, spoilers for the movie The Force Awakens will be below this cut. Honestly, if you keep reading beyond this point, then I assume you want to be spoiled or have already seen the movie (IN WHICH CASE TALK TO ME IN THE COMMENTS ABOUT THE FEELS!!!)

So, first, I AM SO MUCH ANGRIER now about all the stuff I’ve been seeing regarding the Missing Rey from the toy lines. LIKE. She’s the FUCKING JEDI. This is arguably HER FUCKING HEROE’S JOURNEY. SHE’S THE HEIR OF LUKE, THEMATICALLY AND MAYBE EVEN GENETICALLY. But she’s a girl, and Star Wars is for boys and boys can’t play with toys depicting girls. Because Teh Gey. Or fucking whatever. This is fucking outdated, sexist, bullshit garbage and it’s got to fucking STOP. Rey is awesome, and she not only deserves to be featured as prominently as Finn in the collectibles/toys/etc but it DOESN’T MAKE FUCKING SENSE THAT SHE ISN’T.

ALSO. Speaking of Finn! So, in the original trilogy, my character crush at 13 was Luke. I grew out of it, and eventually preferred Han Solo, but Luke was always the first. Well, this movie’s crush is 1000% Finn. I love him. I love everything about him. I’m relieved he isn’t dead, and I can’t fucking wait to see where his story is going, because there are so many possibilities and I pretty much love all of them right now. But, beyond the character, I adore John Boyega too. Like, I haven’t learned the actor for Po or the actress for Rey yet by heart, but Boyega? Yea, he’s my new celeb crush. And also? I just reeeeally want to hang out with him. Because, he gets it. He’s one of us.

Which in a weird way brings us to Han Solo. Because my brain is weird.

But yea. The scene with Kylo Ren? YEa. JUST. I saw it coming. But I didn’t want to believe. Because, fucking no one would do that? NO one would kill Han? I mean, didn’t they learn anything by that EU death we never speak of because it didn’t happen? Right? Guys…?

*breaks down sobbing* THOSE BASTARDS!!



For real though, I did tear up at the end. Not during That Scene. But instead, in the very final scene when Rey reaches the top of the mountain and Luke turns around. I don’t even know why, except the severe nostalgia and perfection of seeing Luke old. Maybe it’s because I almost never see pictures of Mark Hamill, so it hit me harder than with Han or Leia. But that was what did it for me.

AND THEN. Do I get to enjoy a visit with my childhood in nostalgia lane? NOOO. BECAUSE THAT WAS THE END OF THE DAMN MOVIE!

AND now I have to wait, probably a year maybe two! AND I DON’T WANNA. I need to know who Rey is! And why Han seemed to know who she was and maybe even Leia (because otherwise why was she so lovey-huggey with her LITERALLY the first time they met??) but Rey doesn’t seem to? And what the hell happened to Kylo Ren to make him turn to the Dark Side? Speaking of which, why is the Empire now run by Gollum? WTF Abrams??

Also, does anyone else think Maz Kanata was an old girlfriend of Yoda? Because I totally ship it, and she’s certainly old enough. And I feel like just his type, before he went all Jedi-no-relationships crap.

This is proooobobly enough random flailing for now.

But it sure is nice to reconnect with a fandom I thought was lost to me for good. Star Wars my old friend, I’ve missed you. Promise you’ll never treat me like that again, ok?



Star Wars Feels — 1 Comment

  1. **spoilers in comments**
    I had said to your Uncle Tom on the way to the movie, how are they going to carry this on. Harrison Ford is getting too old to make another movie. Well, they fixed that, didn’t they. I guess Leia will be back, and Luke I suspect will have a much bigger part in the next movie (he is about my age, so probably will be around for a while) I wonder if Harrison Ford said he would do one more but that was it!!
    Anyway, loved the movie, want to see it again. Loved Finn and Rey, can’t wait to ssee where they are going, Sorry that they shelved all the wonderful story lines that were in the Star Wars Universe in the books that came out back in the 90’s when you and Christopher were reading them. I enjoyed several of them, particularly the ones with Han and Leia’s children. Now I understand they are called “Legends” and are not part of the story line used for the next trilogy. Sigh. Hollywood, Disney, whatever makes money I guess.

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